Monthly Archives: January 2011

Why Now?

Why now?  That’s what my friend said when I told him of my plans.  Why now?  I’ve had twenty-two years to find out who I am and where I came from.  What has happened to make this the time, this the year when I find out who Moses Haygood really is?

 I had no answer for him … at first.  We go through life not always thinking about our real needs.  I was working, making money, getting by, surviving.  The nagging lack of identity shoved away into my myriad filing cabinets.  I was looking but not full time; on weekends, evenings or between jobs.

 For the first six months I was in the mental hospital, I was on television, in newspapers and radio asking if anyone knew me.  On the first year anniversary of my “appearance”, the local news station revisited my story but still, no one came forward.

 My Cherokee friend told me not to sweat it.  “You’re people will find you at the right time.”  What that right time would be, I was at a loss.  So, for the second year’s hospital commitment I passionately looked for answers.

On the next anniversary, the reality of my situation sank in.  The outside world moved forward while inside, I stagnated.  It was as if nothing occurred prior to 1989.  Time moved around me but I was not a participant.  So, with courage kicked into me by my dear Indian friend, I jumped into a world I had no memory of.

From my first job until just a few months ago, I participated in the world.  That is not to say, I forgot my ambition of discovering my heritage, roots or any left behind crimes.  It had become a hobby but one never far from my thoughts.  I always carried a small notebook to record any evidential pieces I might find.  But it was more dilettante pursuit than obsessive quest.

That is until my friend Jules Morrow grew ill.  My artistic Grandfather, he more than anything else pushed me back into the investigation of … me.  You see, Jules worked as a writer and teacher all his life.  He spent so much time practicing his craft for the singular purpose of being good enough.

Yes, good enough.  He had a novel bubbling inside him since his early twenties.  But feelings of inadequacy kept him from committing it to paper.  His life spent continually practicing to be worthy of his story.

Finally, after a life of perfecting, his opportunity grabbed away, his novel lost with his passing.  The last thing he told me was to stop waiting.  Go out, discover who I was.  Moses Haygood is a mask I wear to survive.  And that is all he is.

So why now?  The real question, why so long in coming?  Not knowing has pulled chunks from my psyche for far too long.  I wish now to find out, to fight, to make contact with at least a single element of myself prior to 1989.  Maybe then I can begin to remove the mask and no longer act the part of human but fully participate in being human.  No matter where that path leads.

When I voiced this, my friend simply replied, “That makes sense.”

M. Haygood

Functional Amnesia

http://socrates.berkeley.edu/~kihlstrm/FunctAmn89.htm


Insurance

I have had many jobs.  Writer of television documentaries for things mysterious, civilian military employee, investigator, I have found many routes to stay employed.  People never believe that I met my first television producer on a Thursday and was writing narration for him by Friday.  We just clicked.  It helped that he was the half-brother of my good friend, but there was a similarity of thought.  He didn’t believe in the strange but saw great potential for making money.  I believed but wanted to disprove everything to get at the truth.

 Five years I wrote for those “Big Foot” shows.  It was fun at first.  Believers came to the subject with the answers while the science folk always had this crossed armed “prove-it” mentality.  I walked the tightrope between, digging out story elements and facts while weeding through the preposterous.  I believe our work during this time was the foundation for many of the shows running now except, today the approach is prove me wrong.

My last assignment was Wright Paterson Air Force base.  I interviewed this Major about UFO sightings.  He gave me the standard military answer.

“I don’t know what they saw, but it wasn’t from this base.”

Funny, I received a call from him a week later.  Turned out, he wanted to hire me.  He liked my investigative style.

So, then I was employed by the military.  I am not allowed to divulge my work.  Top secret.  Would have to kill you if I told you.  But after a bit, exciting as it was, I grew skeptical of the validity of that work, too.  With Air Force clearance, I wrote a book about the impossibility of proving extraterrestrials because of all the hands in the cookie jar.  This blog, by the way, too has been cleared.  I made just enough money from that, free lance journalism and investigating strange sightings to pay the rent.  Got quite the reputation.  If you look me up, you will fail.  I used a professional name during this period.  In my profession who would take a Moses Haygood seriously.  A suggestion by Jules’.

I received a call from another unexpected source – Insurance.  Seems there was this Arizona rancher who was losing cows to what locals claimed were aliens.  Because of my experience and apparent skepticism, the insurance company covering the cows called me.

I know nothing of cows.  My experience with Arizona is singular but the job intrigued me.  I accepted.

My first task was interviewing the rancher.  He had no idea what was happening.  He’d called the insurance company only to find out if he was covered.  The suggestion that little green men were experimenting on his cattle was nothing more than “slow minded Los Angelinos looking for answers to their stupid lives.”

At first, the cows just turned up dead in the fields.  No visible marks.  Then analysis came back showing high concentrations of radiation in their systems.  Next, cows not only were dying but mutilated with large round circles burned into their sides.

Working with the Sherriff and a local real estate guy, it didn’t take me long to find the source of the radiation.  There was a research facility twenty miles away.  The ranch sat above an underground river that was being contaminated.  The contamination came up in the grass and thus killed the cows.  The mutilation was locals looking to create mischief.

The research facility was on the hook for damages, the Sheriff took the reprobates into custody and I got paid a handsome fee.  Why retell this here.  Because, I need you, the reader to know that while my entries tend towards flights of fancy, my history up till this point is one grounded in analytical thought.  I tend to side with those who cross their arms and shout “prove it.”

It’s just that my previous skills hold little sway to my current investigation.  I try hard not to “just believe.”  But with all the dreams and synchronous events, it becomes hard to continually create a litmus test for every evidential bit that falls into my lap.

M. Haygood


Found

Someone has found me.  Not in the sense of from my past but found me they have.  I woke up this morning and did something I haven’t done before.  I “Googled” myself.  Mostly I found links to my site.  But just below that was a link to a Sean P. Watters, photographer.  I followed it and saw that this photographer had linked to my site from his own blog.

 I hope he found my pitiful postings intriguing.   Anyway, I felt obliged to follow suit and return the link back to his site.  I look forward to hearing from him.  By no means a person of fashion myself, I did look through his gallery.  Fascinating.  I wish I had as clear a vision in my journey as he does his.

 Happy New Year!


2011

2011 and I find myself floating in a sea of uncertainty.  I suppose this is what most people go through with the changing of the yearly guard.  What have I done so far?  What can I accomplish next year?  Will I really do anything other than survive, again?

I don’t want to just survive anymore.  Throughout my twenty-two years of this existence, I have been productive and yet I feel as if I have never achieved a goal truly important to me.  Money, stature – this matters little when I have no sense of self, no sense of who I am.  I wish only answers to these questions in the coming year.

New Year’s resolution: find answers.  Who is Moses Haygood?  Where did he come from?  And did/does anyone out there miss him?  Score – more questions than answers.  I hope to change that balance by year’s end.

M. Haygood