Monthly Archives: January 2012

Mentors, Icons and Other Demons

Oliver’s Post:

Sam Shepard Directs The Late Henry Moss

I watched a documentary the other day called This So-Called Disaster: Sam Shepard Directs the Late Henry Moss.  I wanted to see something of the man Moses has made a subconscious Mentor of.  Didn’t want to see his movies because he is only an actor in them.  No, I wanted to see the real person.

The documentary shows a man directing his own play.  Nowhere in it does he ramble off large speeches.  He listens more than anything.  He watches.  It would appear that Moses’ dream shaman was a creation all his own.  I didn’t need a documentary to figure that one out.  I did find the real man more interesting than the dream version.

But at least Moses has a mentor, real or make believe, an influence that focuses his life.  Me?  I am not really drawn to icons.  I already have too many unattainable influences in my life.  I prefer the real and the now.

Outside of Moses’ circle, I have one friend and one confidant.  Friend?  FBI Special Agent Jessica Abrams.  Yes, Melanie you are correct.  We have a friendship of sorts.  I may be a professional responsibility to her but she has given me focus.  At least in memory, I have no experience with a sister but that is how I think of Jessie.  The older sister I may have had but will never know.

My confidant?  My shrink.  Yes.  Therapy.  That wasn’t hard to figure out either.  Jessie set this up.  Once a week I take a train into New York to see my therapist.  Why New York and not someone local?  Jessie thought I needed to get out of my home turf once in a while and this guy is a specialist in people who pop out of nowhere with no memories.

Why tell you all this?  My therapist thinks it will be good for me.  So I comply.

Sanity?  I don’t dream like Moses but I see things differently – two worlds at once.  I’m not sure which is the real and which the made up.

Therapy.

Mentors?  Yes.  One.  Icons?  None, except Moses himself.  Demons?  I face them once a week in New York.

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Pissed!

Oliver’s Post:

Pissed!  Yes, pissed!  Who Am I?  Moses’ question to the world.  Well, I know who I am.  I just want to know Why I AM?

Any clues to that were wiped away within the first few moments of my memory.  Two people, Melanie and Ray, told me all I needed to know about who I was.  But, how do they know?  They only know what Moses’ has put together for himself.  Does that mean his theories are mine?

From the back, Ray is not impressive.  He is average build,  around 5’8” with short cut grey hair.  Turn him around, though, and his presence is huge.  Maybe the power of his stare or just his personality but you become stuck in place waiting for him to say something.

That wait can take a long time.  He doesn’t talk a lot.  He thinks the words out before opening his mouth.  So when a man like that  speaks the first intelligible thing to you, it has weight.  It forms who you are.  I just don’t want it to direct who I will be.  That is my search, not who am I but who will I be in this life.

If there is a personal history out there for me then great.  I don’t count on that.  Moses searched for over twenty years and look what that got him.  Dream quest, walkabout, vision … crap.  He is just running now.  Running away so the pain does not catch up to him.

I, left with his stuff, his money, his pets, “carry on” his work is now mine.  That is unfair.  It is not the responsibility of the son to complete the father’s unfinished labors.

Wow, I called him father and me son.  I guess that would be the best description of our relationship.  The father who left and the son who has to make sense of himself in the emptiness left behind.

The Belly Of The Dragon

I, too, dream of Dragons.  But, as stated earlier, mine are from the Dragon’s point of veiw.  Who truly is not listening?  Me or him?


TALK

HAPPY NEW YEAR

OLIVER


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