By Oliver
My first attempt at the family business.
Crazy? Insane? Mad?
Screw villages.
I never dream of some little boy fighting dragons or eels or an old man in the desert spitting out metaphysical crap. I dream of continuous torture by beasts like myself. I dream of battling a kid who always wins but doesn’t listen. Are these my dreams, Moses’ or some reality I don’t understand?
So crazy, yes. A state of mind. A state I reside in.
in·sane
1. not sane; not of sound mind; mentally deranged.
2. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a person who is mentally deranged: insane actions; an insane asylum.
3. utterly senseless: an insane plan.
mad
1. mentally disturbed; deranged; insane; demented.
2. enraged; greatly provoked or irritated; angry.
3. (of animals)
a. abnormally furious; ferocious: a mad bull.
b. affected with rabies; rabid: a mad dog.
4. extremely foolish or unwise; imprudent;
irrational: a mad scheme to invade France.
5. wildly excited or confused; frantic: mad
haste.
cra·zy
1. mentally deranged; demented; insane.
2. senseless; impractical; totally unsound: a crazy scheme.
3. Informal . intensely enthusiastic; passionately excited: crazy about baseball.
4. Informal . very enamored or infatuated (usually followed by about ): He was
crazy about her.
5. Informal . intensely anxious or eager; impatient: I’m crazy to try those new skis.
6. Informal . unusual; bizarre; singular: She always wears a crazy hat.
7. Slang . wonderful; excellent; perfect: That’s crazy, man, crazy.
8. likely to break or fall to pieces.
9. weak, infirm, or sickly.
10. having an unusual, unexpected, or random quality, behavior, result, pattern, etc.: a crazy reel that spins in either
direction.
11. Slang . an unpredictable, nonconforming person; oddball: a house full of crazies who wear weird clothes and come in at all hours.
12. the crazies, Slang . a sense of extreme unease, nervousness, or panic; extreme jitters: The crew was starting to get
the crazies from being cooped up belowdecks for so long.
Insane, crazy or mad; it all sounds like someone who doesn’t fit within the village. That’s the point of my journey. I don’t fit. Thus, I am crazy. Oliver tries to find a fit, yet comes up empty. So, he believes he is crazy, mad, insane.
No one truly feels a part of the village. So, tell me, who is crazy and who is a part of the village.
M. Haygood
Somewhere in Ontario,
Canada
Posted by M. Matthews
I realize I haven’t kept up with Moses’ blog very well. In reality, there hasn’t been much to post. Moses is out there, somewhere, in parts unknown. Oliver pulls farther away daily. He spends all his time at Moses’ house now.
So I find myself the same as before I was contacted; alone without a son yet forever changed. I realize Oliver feels he is not my son. That may be true. But, the fact does not make my pain easier to handle. He looks like what I envisioned Oliver would as an adult. But more and more he sees me as the woman who found him in the desert, not his mother, not even a mother figure.
At first, we spent time together. But from the beginning, I felt his need to pull away. There is anger deep within that burns. He is in counseling but that just seems to fan the flames of his rage. Oliver does not seem resentful towards either Moses or me. It is directed more towards himself and the universe.
We haven’t seen one another in a week. The last thing he said to me was that he thought he might be insane. This is only a moment of clarity granted to distract him from madness.
Clarity, a word Moses used quite often in his posts.
Moses Haygood 