Pissed! Yes, pissed! Who Am I? Moses’ question to the world. Well, I know who I am. I just want to know Why I AM?
Any clues to that were wiped away within the first few moments of my memory. Two people, Melanie and Ray, told me all I needed to know about who I was. But, how do they know? They only know what Moses’ has put together for himself. Does that mean his theories are mine?
From the back, Ray is not impressive. He is average build, around 5’8” with short cut grey hair. Turn him around, though, and his presence is huge. Maybe the power of his stare or just his personality but you become stuck in place waiting for him to say something.
That wait can take a long time. He doesn’t talk a lot. He thinks the words out before opening his mouth. So when a man like that speaks the first intelligible thing to you, it has weight. It forms who you are. I just don’t want it to direct who I will be. That is my search, not who am I but who will I be in this life.
If there is a personal history out there for me then great. I don’t count on that. Moses searched for over twenty years and look what that got him. Dream quest, walkabout, vision … crap. He is just running now. Running away so the pain does not catch up to him.
I, left with his stuff, his money, his pets, “carry on” his work is now mine. That is unfair. It is not the responsibility of the son to complete the father’s unfinished labors.
Wow, I called him father and me son. I guess that would be the best description of our relationship. The father who left and the son who has to make sense of himself in the emptiness left behind.
I, too, dream of Dragons. But, as stated earlier, mine are from the Dragon’s point of veiw. Who truly is not listening? Me or him?
January 10th, 2012 at 10:26 AM
Oliver, Your analysis is developing nicely. Don’t give up. Be the dragon.